Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
