no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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