hell yes lets make some ravioli
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
