Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
