I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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