Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
