If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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