we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
