I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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