im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
