i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
