From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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