I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize