i already hear my dad disowning me
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
