I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
