when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
