my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just gift wrapped bread.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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