I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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