Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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