She's JV to your varsity
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
