i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
