remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
