We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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