I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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