The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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