dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
