My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
