Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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