we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
