there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
