you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
