Say something about gay babies.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
