My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
