Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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