So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
