i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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