I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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