uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize