God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
