He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
