Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize