he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
