You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
