I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
