he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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