So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
