Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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