I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
