I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
