dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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