Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
