I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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