I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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