I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
