If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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