If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
