like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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