I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Too much gin, very little bucket
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You ate ashes out of my bong
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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