so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
