How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
me + whiskey = a bad person
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
