I have demons in me.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
