Will you blow on my dice?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Oh god it's open bar.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
