Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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