I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
