i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
