i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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