Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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