if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
