I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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