Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
