My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize