does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
