I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
