member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
