so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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