I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
