My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
